I'm really here to share some posts from my Instagram page from the last month. If you're reading this, then you likely already know that my Dad passed away a month ago on October 8th. I've shared thoughts here and there on Instagram, but I've been feeling like I might want to share in a more permanent place like my blog, where it might be possible for others to find if they are going through the same thing. Grief and loss are all encompassing and weird. There's no formula to how you're supposed to feel at any specific moment or day, and it can often times feel very lonely. So, if something that I write resonates with someone some day in the future, then I believe that would be the Lord's own hand in my tiny place here on earth. My prayer is always that God would use some part of my story to encourage or help someone in the future.
Easing my way back in slowly...
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| (Originally posted October 7, 2015, while my Dad was still in the hospital)
"Dear Dad,
If I could talk to you, this is what I would say. I wish that I had been able to experience who you really were without mental illness and alcoholism robbing you of the joy that life can truly offer. I know at your deepest core you were a good man. I caught glimpses of your love for me, Kenneth, and Clayton, and know you were truly happiest when you were surrounded by your family. I know you tried to love us as well as you could with the tools you had.
I am deeply saddened by the fact that you are leaving too soon, and that I didn't get the chance to tell you these things. I hope you know that beyond the bitterness and anger I have felt that you were truly loved and are forgiven. Your earthly body is still here with us, but I pray beyond all measure that I will see you again on the other side.
Love always and forever,
Your 'punkin'"
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